If we are told that we are being "selfish" there is an automatic feeling that what we are doing something shameful.  Our society sends us contradictory messages- we live in a individualistic culture that sets us up to fend for ourselves. While also judging us harshly, when we make decisions that benefit us or put our needs first.

Commitment phobia stems from unresolved childhood trauma and is an unconscious re-enactment of their internal conflict. Part of the psyche yearns for closeness, companionship, and love, while the other part is terrified of the responsibilities that come with a relationship. Being in a relationship with a commitment phobic is extremely emotionally draining and creates a confusing "push and pull" for anyone involved with them.