Unpacking Mental Health Myths

In a world that often feels saturated with images and narratives of unending happiness and success, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing that good mental health equates to a constant state of joy, free from the grip of negative emotions. This pervasive myth, fueled by social media, advertising, and societal expectations, suggests that a healthy mind experiences an abundance of positive emotions while keeping the unpleasant ones at bay. However, this oversimplified view of mental well-being overlooks the rich tapestry of human emotions and their intrinsic value in our lives, the journey to genuine mental health is far more nuanced than merely accumulating happy moments. It involves embracing the full spectrum of our emotional experiences, and recognizing that periods of sadness, anger, and grief are not only inevitable but essential for personal growth and understanding. Through a series of myths and misconceptions surrounding mental health, this blog seeks to unravel the complex realities of what it means to truly navigate the waters of mental well-being.

5 Misconceptions Surrounding Mental Well-being

1. Having “good” mental health is characterized by feeling “happy”- the absence of unpleasant emotions and experiences.

We live in a culture that perpetuates pleasant feelings. Everywhere we look, from social media to advertisements, to our friends and family, we only see people who appear to be happy, easy-going, and feeling good. We are raised to believe that we should aim to experience as many uplifting, happy emotions as possible and to minimize unpleasant emotions. We logically conclude that the goal of mental health practices is to improve the number of positive emotions and experiences we have.  

This is not true. 

We all experience anger, sadness, grief, shame, envy, etc. daily. During “happier” periods of our lives, it is in relatively small doses. At other times, we may experience them more intensely and more frequently. It’s from these emotions and experiences that we learn about ourselves. They clarify our values, our needs, and our beliefs. They also motivate us to create positive change in our lives. We cannot access joy, connection, creativity, love, meaning, and freedom without first allowing the darker, less pleasant emotions in. 

More importantly, quality of life does not increase substantially by feeling good all the time. If that’s all we needed, we would all benefit from improved mental health with a daily dose of heroin or cocaine. Life is made meaningful by the endless journey of uncovering and eventually embodying our authentic selves, finding meaning beyond our existence, and finding purpose. Doing so necessitates allowing ourselves to experience meaninglessness, despair, grief, and hopelessness first. They are two sides of the same coin. The darker emotions are tools and fuel for meaning-making. 

So then if an excess of unpleasant emotions isn’t what causes mental health issues, then what is? Mental health typically declines when there is a block in the process of experiencing. It’s a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness that occurs when we are unable or unwilling to allow ourselves to feel the grief, sadness, shame, etc. underneath it. There are many ways and reasons why we might experience this “block” in processing. They can come from many sources. Most often from childhood and other past significant life experiences such as relationships. For example, many of us struggle with allowing ourselves to experience or tolerate some emotions because we learn from childhood that they are “bad”. 

It’s important to mention that there is more nuance to mental health difficulties. Many other circumstances or situations might cause a decline in mental health other than a block in our processing. It’s particularly important to acknowledge that those who are unable to meet their basic needs such as food, water, shelter, or safety will struggle with mental health no matter how open they are to their own emotions and experiences. Many additional situations can cause difficulty with mental health which are beyond the scope of this article. 

The larger point that I am trying to convey is that human beings have the natural capacity to heal from, digest, and use unpleasant emotions as fuel for positive outcomes. They will not cause long-term harm if this process can unfold. Therefore, unpleasant emotions in themselves are not the cause of mental health struggles. We must bring more nuance and conversation to the process of healing than just the removal of negative experiences or emotions.

2. People who struggle with mental health are also unsuccessful, unlikable, or otherwise do not fit the socially prescribed idea of “having one’s life together” 

There is a wide variance in the external presentation and lives of those who struggle with mental health. Some of the most successful, charming, and even revered individuals in the world struggle with mental health. Case in point, most celebrities, actors, CEOs, and elected officials struggle with mental health for at least part of their lives. 

Statistically speaking, one in five people meet the criteria for a mental health disorder. And there are many more who go undiagnosed or who have challenges with mental health that don’t fit neatly into any particular diagnosis. Each of us likely has at least one if not multiple friends who struggle with mental health behind closed doors. 

More importantly, mental health is on the spectrum. Mental health is not black and white, that is to say- is not the case that we are either “of good mental health” or “mentally ill”. Rather, it is in shades of gray, and it’s also very dynamic- our mental health is always changing.

 Everyone will probably experience anxiety or depression multiple times in their lives. We all have some addictions (e.g. compulsive binge-watching Netflix, scrolling on Instagram, or coffee), and everyone has moments in which past traumas influence the present (e.g. social anxiety). We even have some delusions (e.g. when you hear a creaking sound or a small noise at night when you know there is nothing there). 

3. Mental health disorders are an indicator that the mind is functioning incorrectly and needs to be “fixed.”

Much like #2, this is another tool for stigmatizing mental health and framing those who struggle with mental health as “different” than others. 

Broadly speaking, we develop most symptoms of mental health as a result of successful coping strategies used at a different time in one’s life (usually in childhood) which have become maladaptive in the present. 

For example, perfectionism can be a great tool for a child to get approval from hypercritical parents. If a parent is critical, contemptuous, or otherwise approves of their child only under the condition that they perform well in academics, sports, or some other endeavor, children will often learn to base their self-worth on their external performance. If this continues long enough, perfectionism becomes an internalized “unreasonably high standard for success” which is applied to all areas of life. Keep in mind that a “hypercritical” parent is not necessarily abusive or otherwise coming from a place of malice. They are often very well-meaning and well within the social “norms” for parenting. This is part of the reason perfectionism is so common. 

Perfectionism is only one example of a “defense mechanism” learned in childhood that causes troubles in the present. There are many, many more, and they can look very different from person to person. The bigger takeaway here is that mental health is not because the mind is functioning incorrectly. Rather, mental illness is usually caused by less-than-ideal environments for psychological development, which the person learns to cope with via behaviors, beliefs, ideologies, and values that are required to survive that context but do not serve them in the long term. 

The question we must ask is not “What’s wrong with them” but rather, “What happened to them” and “How did the currently dysfunctional behaviors serve them in the past”. This is a much more compassionate and informative perspective of mental illness. 

4. Mental health can be improved by “being positive” or “a change of perspective.” 

I have been hearing a term called “toxic positivity” being thrown around lately. Toxic positivity is the idea that we often dismiss, minimize, or fail to acknowledge experiences and emotions. It is the insistence that anytime we experience unpleasant emotions, we should instantly “change our outlook”, “see the glass as half full” or “be positive because negativity won’t help”. There is a grain of truth to the perspectives of those who embody “toxic positivity”. Namely, our psychological experience is strongly influenced by how we perceive the situations in our lives, and not so much by the circumstances themselves. Therefore, it is important to check in on the meaning we make of the situations in our lives and the lens through which we view them. 

However, toxic positivity also comes with a variety of problems including dismissal of problems that require more serious intervention and a larger investment of time than just “a change in perspective”. It takes problems that are big or else, feel subjectively important to the other person, and frames the solution as a simple tweak in mindset or worse- shames them for being deficient in their ability to “be positive”. Moreover, it is yet another way to dismiss the valuable unpleasant emotions and the messages they carry (see #1 and #5 in this article).

5. Mental Health is changed by “improving one’s self” or “changing aspects of one’s personality.”

Another common misconception is that mental health is improved by changing who we are. To improve mental health, we must move away from the removed parts of ourselves. This is a half-truth. It is true that ultimately, improvements in mental health can result in changes in personality, lifestyle, values, beliefs, and identity. And oftentimes, that is the end goal. However, it is troublesome when we assume that this is done by rejecting or pushing away the parts of ourselves that cause us trouble. 

A common example of this is when we say to someone (or ourselves) “Stop overthinking” or “You can’t be mad about x because y”. This would be helpful advice if it can be executed. The problem is that people don’t learn to stop getting mad or overthinking by being told not to do it. That type of pressure often leads to the intensification of the behavior. 

Moreover, all of our emotions are adaptive messengers regarding the state of our needs.  Therefore, improving mental health is not about “removing” or “taking away” certain emotions, experiences, or “symptoms”. Rather, it’s about exploring and understanding the unmet needs behind them. 

Mental health struggles are usually a result of some form of disconnection from ourselves, internalized shame, or rejection of one’s self. Therefore, further rejection or dismissal of our own experience will not serve us. 

Positive long-term changes in mental health result from further acceptance of and compassion for our experience. If mental health struggles are caused by disconnection from ourselves, shame, or rejection of one’s self, then finding compassion for ourselves and making space for ALL parts of ourselves (even the ones we would like to change) will create improvements. 

**Written for Meridian Counseling by Simeon Simov, AMFT Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (117648)

Contact information:

Phone: (323)723-2674

Email: info@meridian-counseling.com

Supervised by: Nick Koontz, LMFT (103076)