Dating Yourself and Your Partner

 In the month of February, we celebrate love! Love of our partners, of our friends, family, and ourselves? Recently a friend of mine reminds me of the importance of teaching others about dating ourselves and our partners at the same time. This is more than just a practice of self-love but, a topic of creating a relationship of mutual love, respect, and confidence in ourselves.

At the start of a relationship with a partner, we tend to throw ourselves; mind, body, and soul into their world. We want to fit in, we want to matter to them. For some more than others, we enmesh our lives with theirs. A common theme that has come across in the modern dating world, is losing ourselves in a relationship. People today are striving for a genuine connection, so much so, that when we come across those connections, we throw ourselves into them full force. People quickly put aside their own needs and wants in order to fulfill this connection.

 Today, we posit that the most important part of creating a genuine connection with someone else is to sustain the relationships and understandings with ourselves. By fully understanding ourselves and being in a relationship with all the good and bad parts of our being we can genuinely create connections with others based upon that greater understanding.

 Here are some tips on how to mindfully and productively date yourself:

1.         Take yourself on a date--Go to your favorite place, eat by yourself or go to a movie all on your own. Most people find this awkward but learning to embrace being by yourself will help to grow your confidence in yourself and get to know your anxieties and fears better.

2.         Take time to pamper yourself-- Take an extra minute to do a face mask or a bubble bath. Do the extra step to help make yourself more confident and indulge in what makes you feel good. By going the extra mile, you remind yourself that your time matters and is valuable and that you are worth investing in.

3.         Confront your concerns. Like any relationship there comes a time where you find you don’t like something about the other person. Even more so, we can be easily critical of ourselves. If you find you don’t like something about yourself, confront yourself with compassion, ask yourself why and create a plan of action for change.

4.         “Treat yo’ self!” Buy yourself your favorite dessert or a piece of jewelry. You deserve to invest your money into yourself. When you purchase something for yourself be sure to do so when the opportunity makes sense; celebrate your accomplishments, congratulate your achievements and make it matter!

5.         Feel confident in your body! This is a “touchy” subject for some (no pun intended). But no matter how uncomfortable this topic is, getting to know your body is necessary and fun! So set some sexy music, light some candles and start to explore what makes you feel delicious.

6.         Create rituals for yourself! Be sure to honor and date yourself consistently. Make a schedule or set a date night for you. Overall, don’t forget about yourself, you are the priority!

**** Written for Meridian Counseling by: Jessica Dirk, ACSW Registered Associate Clinical Social Worker (ACSW 81562)

INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH JESSICA?

Contact information:

Phone: (626) 759-4461

Email: jdirks2692@gmail.com

Website: jessicadirkstherapy.com

Supervised by: Sandra Kushnir, LMFT (99225)