7-Unhelpful Beliefs About Relationships

Thanks to popular culture and love stories, many of us grow up with unrealistic expectations about what love and relationships are all about. This may be especially true if you grew up without many positive role models to show you what healthy relationships look like. As you begin to develop your own romantic attachments in life, you may struggle with balancing reality and your expectations. Below are six beliefs that can get in the way of how you think about relationships.

1.) A Relationship Will Make Me Happy

A romantic relationship can be a source of happiness, but it's not a cure-all for sadness. If you struggle with depression or self-esteem issues, a relationship will not automatically "fix" you. Sharing a life with someone can create opportunities for joy, but it also exposes you to a second person's needs and problems. In other words, every relationship will have its ups and downs. You cannot rely on another person to make you happy; you need to take responsibility for your own life and wellness.

2.) My Partner Should Know What I'm Thinking

Once you've been with someone for a long time, you get to know them on an intimate level. This means you may often have a good idea of what they're feeling or what their opinions are of a variety of topics. It does not, however, make you a mind-reader. Whenever problems arise in your relationship, you should discuss them with your partner rather than assuming that your partner already knows how you feel or what's going on in your head. You may discover that some misunderstandings have been caused by a lack of communication.

3.) Relationships Should Always Be Exciting

The initial "honeymoon" period of any relationship is filled with excitement and good feelings. These feelings will inevitably fade as you gain familiarity with each other and build routine. This doesn't mean that you've fallen out of love; it means that you've moved out of one stage and into another. You will find new ways and reasons to love your partner long after the initial excitement wears off.

4.) Love Is All About Giving

A healthy relationship is a partnership built on mutual respect. There should be a healthy give-and-take between you and your partner. If you put in more than you receive, resentment will build; this in time can devastate a relationship. Be clear about your needs and ensure that they are met as you strive to meet your partner's.

5.) If My Partner Says Sorry It's Okay

Apologies are a good step, but they are meaningless if not backed by a change in behavior. If your partner routinely oversteps the boundaries that you've made and apologizes but does not make an effort to change, this is a warning side of deeper trouble in your relationship.

6.) Love At First Sight

Love is a complex emotion and one built on action rather than a single event. You may develop an initial infatuation with someone, but love takes time to develop as it requires trust, friendship, companionship and intellectual compatibility as well as physical attraction.

**** Written for Meridian Counseling by: Saba Kerendian, AMFT  Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT 88936)

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